i aspire....

...to do this one day... (the drumming and the dancing!)

Canon named after Kwan Yin?

Interesting tid-bit about the company, Canon.  When discussing Kwan Yin, Gary Gach states in The Complete Idiot's Guide to Buddhism, "Canon, Japanese maker of cameras, printers, and photcopiers, is named after her (Kannon, in Japanese)."

Interesting, huh?

a personal pet peeve - email lists

While I was responsible for the Spiral Circle calendar, it was necessary to publish my email address so people could contact me for scheduling.  One of the things I have found to be truly annoying is that, as a result, some (not all) "assumed" I wanted to be added to their mailing list and sent a notficiation every time they have an event.  Trust me, I am quite savvy with the computer and if I want to know what you are doing, I am more than capable of asking you to add me to your distribution list.

I am looking forward to a lot less traffic in my email now.  Hopefully, it will be more from friends and family and less from people trying to promote their own events.  I have missed more than one personal email that was important to me because it was buried in everyone elses announcements of their latest class, workshop, or other event.

I guess what really bothers me is the impersonal aspect of it.  These are usually people I do not know very well and they are promoting events that either (1) I do not see them as someone I want to "learn" from or (2) it's an area that I am personally not interested in exploring at this time.  Many would assume that because I did the calendar I was interested in learning everything metaphysical -- or that I would help promote their event to everyone I know.  Not true.

So, in the spirit of enlightening others, I'd like to share suggested general email guidelines:

1. If someone doesn't personally give you their email address and ask you to send them info, don't send them info.  It's okay to send an email asking to add them to your address list, but be respectful if they don't respond or reply with a no.
2. When sending a mass email to your address list, BLIND CARBON COPY (that's the BCC in most email programs) everyone.  This protects people from having their email address stolen and abused.  It also prevents someone getting caught up in a firestorm when someone doesn't like your email and they Reply to All to tell you about it.
3. If you are the recipient of an email in which someone did not BCC everyone, PLEASE do NOT click "Reply to All".  That's great if you found that email offensive - but it truly does not impress me, an innocent bystander - that you found it offensive.  I may agree with you, but am strong enough in my own convictions that I do not feel the need to shout it to everyone else.  Know me, know my beliefs.
4. DO NOT share your address book with others or swap address lists in the hopes of building your list.  That is such a violation of trust, I don't even know where to begin.

I assure you that if you automatically add me to your email list, and especially if you are nasty to me when I ask you to remove me, that is all the evidence I need that you are not in the right place to teach me, or anyone I know.

what is beyond this lifetime?

I just finished reading, "Many Lives, Many Masters" by Brian Weiss.  If you haven't read it, it is his personal experience as a psychiatrist with a patient he used hypnotic regression to help treat her anxiety issues.  What he did not expect was regressing her into past life times.  Personally, I believe that if there is a life after this one, then reincarnation is a real possibility.  But this post is not about reincarnation; it's that the book has gotten me to thinking about my personal "near death" experience.  So, I decided to share it with my faithful reader or two...

In January 2009, I had an extremely simple, standard, everyday outpatient surgery.  I have had a few outpatient surgeries and never had any complications.  I have no fear of "going under the knife".  However, the experience I had after this surgery completely blew my mind and sent me reeling.

Lying in the operating room as they prepared to put me under, I sent a prayer to guide the doctors and the nurses during the procedure.  As soon as I had finished my prayer, I felt the immediate presence of my grandmother, grandfather, and father.  All of them have passed over into Spirit.  A peace came over me as I quickly slipped from conscious to unconscious. 

My return to consciousness was beautiful and frightening at the same time.  When I began to wake I found myself in an all white "room".  There were no walls, floor, or ceiling, but everywhere was all white.  As I "stood" there, I saw a group of very tall beings before me.  We were finishing a discussion when I felt myself being pulled away from them, as if I were being "sucked" into a vaccuum, and next was aware of an excruciating pain in my chest and feeling as if I couldn't swallow and was choking to death.

Although my experience was very quick and very brief, I have absolutely no doubts that I was in the presence of great, beautiful beings.  My surgery, as I mentioned earlier, was a very routine procedure that involved a female part of my body.  Why in the world would I have this excruciating pain in my chest?  I spent two hours in recovery before my oxygen levels and the pain had subsided enough to be moved to post-recovery.

When I saw my doctor a week later, I asked him what happened.  He wouldn't give me any details other than to tell me that I needed to file a complaint with the hospital so they would do an investigation.  He had never seen the anthesiologist before and even made the comment that he "has never been afraid to have anyone put him under before".  I walked away stunned and with the impression that perhaps I came close to dying during the surgery.

Two weeks later I had an epiphany so strong that it almost brought me to my knees.  I was stunned and speechless.  If you've ever seen the movie, "The Matrix", you will remember the scenes where when they needed specific information (such as how to fly a helicopter) it was "downloaded" into their brain and within minutes they knew how to fly a helicopter.  My epiphany was just like that.  It was instantenous "knowing".  I then understood what had happened to me.

It was a pre-arranged exit point for me.  For whatever reason, I had "planned" this event so that if I wanted to leave this life, I could.  What almost brought me to my knees though, was the reason I chose to stay.  In that very moment, I felt this overwhelming Divine Love that is beyond description.  It is beyond our human capacity to full understand.  I remembered saying to "them", "I cannot leave Troy" and upon saying it feeling that beautiful, pure love fill my soul...my essence...my very being.

As I re-read what I have written so far, I realize that I began this post with, "...if there is a life after this one, then reincarnation is a real possibility."  Let me explain the if.  Until we die, we really don't know for sure.  We can believe our experiences (such as mine), we can believe what we intuit, or feel.  But until we die, we really do not know for sure.

All I do know is that whatever I experienced that day was unlike anything I have ever remembered experiencing before.  It was powerful.  I cannot forget those beings I left behind as I awoke.  They had no faces and no real form, yet I know they "stood" before me.  I do know that they were a representation of everything beautiful, powerful, loving, and hopeful. 

I also know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, I had a choice that day and I chose to remain. 

I'll have to talk to my Mom about the time when I was around 5 and had pneumonia.  If I remember correctly, she said I almost died then.  I wonder if I ever talked about that experience..or if it really happened.  I wonder if it could have been another pre-arranged point.

So for me, there is no doubt that there is something beyond this lifetime.  I do not fear death for I know it is not the end.

expectations

Those who live without expectations shall never be disappointed.  I'm sure I heard this somewhere before, but it has given me a great deal to think about when it came to me again on Sunday.  When one first looks at this statement, they might think, "Oh! That is so depressing!  We must have something to look forward to!"  That's where the disappointment begins.  WHY must we have something to look forward to?  Isn't the cause of most of our personal anguish because we expect a certain outcome in everything?

We expect our jobs to always be there.  When the economy tanks and we lose our jobs, we suffer. 

We expect our husband/wife/children to always love us.  When they don't, we are either bitter and angry -- or filled with self-doubts and pain.

We expect others to treat us with respect.  Each one of us has a different definition of what respect is.  Am I disrespecting you when what you think is a show of respect is different from what I think is a show of respect?  Who is right?

We expect to never get sick or have health problems.  On the surface, you may read this and say, "Well, that's silly!  I'd never expect that!"  But then how many of us moan and groan when we get sick and talk about how much we hate it?!?  If you didn't expect to always be healthy, then being sick would just be another element of our health. 

We expect others to take responsibility for their actions.  Yet, how many of us are so good and pure that we always take responsibility for our actions?  Example:  A cashier at a store is rude to you, so you snap back at them.  Instead of showing them compassion, we return the negativity.  "But it's not MY fault," you say, "After all, THEY were rude to me first!"  You chose to react negatively.  Therefore, it's no ones fault but your own!

We expect others to drive a certain way.  When someone cuts you off in traffic, do you get angry and call them an idiot or worse?  Has it ever occured to you that they honestly didn't see you?  Or maybe they are late picking up their child from day care and will be charged money they don't have if they don't get there on time.  Maybe their boss kept them late at work and they have no one else to turn to.

Our lives are filled with expectations of others.  Yet, if we can show some compassion, perhaps we can exceed the expectations of another?  Perhaps we can help someone who is suffering.

A little game I like to play that I have found quite effective (especially in traffic and with rude people) is that I imagine a story for them.  Perhaps she just found out her husband is sleeping with her best friend.  Maybe he just found out that his mother has been diagnosed with cancer.  When I can imagine such a scenario for this person that has pushed my magic angry button, it is much, much easier to feel compassion and disable that little button.

Try it and see if it works for you.  Remember:  you are only seeing a very, very small part of each person's life.  No matter how well you think you know someone, there are still things you may not know or understand. 

I'm a perpetual optimist.  I believe that each one of us is, at the core, the same.  We all want to be loved.  We all want to live without fear.  We all want our families to be healthy and prosperous.  I believe each and every one of us is doing the very best we can with what we have.

I believe that it is only in ignorance that people may be offensive or hurtful.  I believe that if they truly understood the pain they cause another, they would not cause that pain.  What do most serial killers have in common?  They can't feel emotions.  If they did, they wouldn't kill.  Whose fault is that??

okay! i did it!

For a few months now I have been struggling with all the things I have committed to.  In addition to the volunteer work I do, I also work a full-time job during the day.  A few years ago I volunteered to coordinate and maintain the event calendar for Spiral Circle.  It has been a wonderful three years and I have enjoyed being able to provide a service to everyone, teachers and customers.  I also worked as a volunteer on Friday evenings.

When I first started doing these things, I was just "waking up" from my spiritual slumber.  Over the past few years, I have grown and learned so very much.  I have learned enough to realize that I have so very much more to learn.

In addition to the calendar, working Friday nights at the store and my full time job during the day, I also facilitate, or co-facilitate, five other groups.  For at least six months I have seriously struggled with staying on top of everything I have committed to.  I have also struggled with "just what do I give up?" 

It is very difficult for me to walk away from a commitment I have made, especially when I realize that I do it well and can make a difference.  But when you reach a point of overload, just how much of a difference are you REALLY making?

So, after many months of struggling with just what to give up, the most logical choice was the calendar and working Friday nights.  The calendar had become quite a time-consuming task.  I know teachers and potential teachers were becoming frustrated with me because they couldn't reach me or didn't get as quick a response as they desired.  Understandable.  I was also becoming frustrated with me. 

Although I am truly sad to give up this service to Spiral Circle and customers, I can feel some of the pressure removed from my shoulders and can breath a little more easily.  I didn't realize just HOW heavy a burden it had become until the prospect of giving it up became a reality with the decision to move ahead with relinquishing it.

The lesson:  just because you committed to it three years ago, does not mean it is meant to be forever.  We must ALL remember to go with the flow -- and yet take good care of ourselves in the process.

super nervous

As most who know me, know... I tend to overcommit myself.  A LOT.

People around me have tried to tell me this for over a year now, but being the Capricorn I am, I just kept trying to work harder and more efficiently.  I think I've finally maxed out the Capricorn and am seeing what everyone else has seen for a long time. (I think that ramming-your-head-against-a-mountain-thing is another Capricorn trait I have inherited.)

It's hard though.  When you believe you are helping others, it's hard for me to say "no" and walk away.  But I also realize that we cannot help others if we do not help ourselves first.

Wish me luck.  I'll post later about how it went.

still alive

Just a quick post to let everyone know (or at least the one or two that might actually read this blog) that I'm still alive and kicking.  Have had a lot going on and am finally getting the opportunity to catch my breath.

There are changes a-comin'.

Troy and I have been attending the Buddhism classes at the Buddhist temple off Hoffner Road.  We are enjoying it very much and the discussion in class, and at home, is always so invigorating!!

Will write more later.....

why put off today what can be done tomorrow?

Why do we procrastinate?  I've read and heard various "experts" talk about why we procrastinate.  Fear.  Sloth.  (I love that word.  It just plain sounds lazy, doesn't it?)

Do you procrastinate?  Do you know why you put things off?  I'm still trying to understand why I do it.  I'm really a go-getter kind of person.  Once I've identified what needs to be done, I just get it done.  But every now and again, I hit that snag where I just can't seem to bring myself to focus on the task at hand.  Usually, that's okay and I squeak by without a problem.  But when you have a couple of them pile up on you it can get kinda dicey.  Overall though, I think I'm managing fairly well. 

Right now (as in, right now as I am typing this) I am actively procrastinating.  This one has me stumped, I must admit.  I should be cutting up yarn and collecting the things I need for tomorrow nights ceremony.  I also need to finish reviewing the information related to this ceremony.  It is tomorrow night.  I have to work tomorrow.  I already know I have a busy morning ahead of me with little time for anything extra.  Although I am leaving work early, it won't be early enough to do everything that needs to be done, as well as get to the store and get set up before start of ceremony.

So why am I procrastinating?  Why am I sitting here typing this right now instead of going out to the garage, getting the yarn and scissors and cutting? 

Maybe I'm tired.  It's been a very busy, very long month for us.  We've had multiple things going on every week this month. Do not misunderstand.  I am not complaining or looking for pity.  I am absolutely thrilled that we are given so many different opportunities to be in service to others.  It is equally amazing that they are all things that my partner shares with me, both in participation and enthusiasm.

We are approaching our "recharging" time.  Even if it just means hanging around the house, it is a nice time spent together with no one expecting us anywhere at any time.

skull with it's lyric appendage leaning on

a night table which should have exact temperature of a cardinal bird nest

That is the title of this painting by Salvador Dali.  I found the title of the painting humorous because it sounds like something my brother or I would say.  When we were younger we would speak to each other with this strange accent and made up words that, to an outsider, would appear we were conversing in some foreign language.  Neither one of us had a clue what we were saying.  We just had fun faking it.

My sister and I, on the other hand, well, we tend to find our humor in the mundane everyday.  For example, the road sign "BEAR LEFT" will never be the same for me.  We even came up with this really wacky road song.  Something like "Stop! Bear left! Caution! Yield!  Slippery When Wet!"

But what this blog is really about is the Salvador Dali museum in St Petersburg, FL.  We finally made it there and I got to see some of his paintings.  WOW!  I always enjoyed all the optical illusion paintings he is so well known for.  But I remain stunned by the depth and breadth of his artistic talent.  I still cannot wrap my mind around how someone can get a vision in their mind, transfer that to canvas that is 14 feet high and still maintain the desired dimensions!

Another thing I admired about his art are the many hidden images within the painting.  You can view the same painting from three different positions and see images in each position that cannot be seen in the others.  In one painting there is what appears to be three stone archways.  However, when you step back a few feet and look at the picture, you can see that the archways actually form three different faces.

Dali was also known for the "perverse" in his art.  He had a strong attraction to the psychology of Freud and his fascination with sexuality is clearly reflected in his paintings.  One of my personal favorites is Profanation of the Host.   It is the first painting that completely blew my mind and began my true appreciation for his talent.  I stood a few feet back from the painting trying to identify some of the many different images within it.  Some are obvious, while others are not quite so obvious.  The bottom left corner of the painting is dark and difficult to see the detail unless you get very close to the painting.  Standing back from the painting it just appears to be a sexually explicit orgy scene.  As I was standing there taking in the painting, a couple came up next to me and began talking to one another about how sick he was and the sexual imagery.  While secretly wishing they would be quiet so I could continue to savor the painting, I realized that something just wasn't connecting right in my mind. 

Have you ever seen that email going around in which there is a sentence and the letters in each word are all jumbled up or letters are missing, but you can usually still read the sentence?  It's called "matrixing" in which our minds fill-in-the-blanks for us.  (Thanks to Ghost Hunters for that little 411.  LOL)  Our brain will scan for similiar images until it finds an appropriate fit, producing you with the "correct" image.  (Amazing, actually, if you think about it.  Your brain can process that quickly when you glance at a word and within seconds it has scanned every word you've ever seen and returns the word in a way you can comprehend.)

Anyway, this is what I was feeling with this painting.  I could make out the image but something ... just ...wasn't ... right.  So I got closer.  That's when I realized all the women in the painting had a penis!  Even the hairy man/woman-beast-thing had a human penis!  I almost shouted "EUREEKA!!" right there in the museum.  What so impressed me was his ability to take color, shading, light and form to provide an illusion that appears to be one thing, but upon close inspection is revealed as something else.  It's akin to hiding something in plain sight.

There were other paintings that were equally as compelling.  Here is one of Troy's favorites and probably my second most favorite painting.  This painting is called The Font.  It's another painting with so much meaning and detail that even after staring at it for 15 minutes, I felt I had only just barely begun to see all that it contained.

If you ever have the opportunity, vist the Dali museum.  It's $17 for adults; however, you can go to their web site and print out a coupon for $2 off.  A little pricey, IMHO, but still worth it.  We intend to go back again.  There is so much in there to contemplate that I believe your brain just goes into overload and shuts down.  You can no longer appreciate everything you are seeing with the same attention to detail as you could when you first started with fresh eyes and fresh mind.