HI THERE! Yep, I'm still alive and kickin', so-to-speak. Life has been one heck of a rollercoaster these past six months. Heck, this year has been a rollercoaster, but the past six months have been even more challenging. Things at work are beyond stressful, but I think I am handling it well.
My company was sold to another company, so as all acquisitions go, there is always fear and uncertainty on the "Buyee" side. I am more fortunate than many of my co-workers because I am the only person left in the company who can support our primary software system that we operate with. I don't think I have to fear losing my job at this point. For me, it's more fear of the overwhelming and crushing responsibility I am assuming. I am trying to remain positive and upbeat and realistic. The next six months will probably be the most difficult and challenging of all. I have worked on developing a mindset that I will do everything I can to be supportive during the next six months with the expectation that it won't be easy. I find dealing in reality always seems to work better. As long as I can develop an action plan (which I have), then it is all I have control over. Since it is all I have control over, then it is my primary focus and a lot less frightening than thinking about all the responsibility and "what ifs" that could happen.
In anticipation of the upcoming challenges, Troy and I snuck in a long weekend with my family in the panhandle. We drove up Wednesday. Thursday morning my Mom and step-Father drove to Panama City to look at a van they have being customized while Troy and I slept in. When I woke up, I began to have one of the anxiety attacks I have avoided for a while. It really surprised me because it came on quickly and began to ramp up. I told Troy what I was feeling and he just pulled me into his arms and held me. I clung to him for dear life and he held me until I pulled away. I was shocked to find that just from him holding me close, the anxiety had eased and I felt like I could breathe again.
I think it was because I have been living with the stress at work for a couple of months now and have been holding it together because I didn't want the negative to consume me. Once I got somewhere that I could relax and let my guard down, it all came rushing out. Once I got past it, I was fine for the rest of the visit until the morning we were preparing to drive home. I had to really work at putting all the fear and anxiety out of my mind as I thought of what lies ahead for the next six months. If I look at six months, I can't breathe. If I can focus on only today, I can manage it. One day at a time, Sweet Jesus.
During my visit I had an emotional experience with one family member that led to understanding and compassion I did not have before. It is extremely personal and I do not wish to divulge details here. Just believe me when I say, it was more profound of an experience than I ever would have anticipated. It was healing and brought me a sliver of the peace I have sought for most of my self-tortured life. For that experience alone, it was well worth the trip. You cannot assign value to an experience like that because it truly is priceless when it leads to self-discovery and growth.
I also got to see two cousins and an uncle I have not seen in 18 years. When I last saw my cousins they were about 10 years old. I spent time with my Grandmother and a lot of time with my Mom. I cannot express how I feel in my heart right now as I think of all of them and the time we spent together.
It is true. We can search everywhere: drugs, alcohol, money, sex, power, religion...but nothing can bring you the peace that Family can. No matter who we are. No matter what our life is like. When you have family that loves and supports you, you need nothing else. It's just too bad that some of us forget along the way. The good news is, we always have the opportunity to wake up and realize what we've truly got.
I've got to go now. I think I smell the coffee..... ;)
Have a Blessed day!
No comments:
Post a Comment