It's a time of Gratitude...

Thanksgiving is drawing near and now is the time when we all begin to reflect on our many blessings and what we are grateful for.

Xerox is offering online cards you can choose from and enter a personal message.  The cards will be printed and delivered to the Troops.  It's super easy and free to do.  Won't you take a few minutes and send a thank you card to someone in the Armed Forces today?

http://www.letssaythanks.com/

The Longest Day Ever in the Whole Universe of Days

Today I went to lunch with some of my very favorite co-workers and friends.  Those are the best really, the ones you work with and enjoy hanging with too!  So, we went really early today...11:30...to Annie's on Orange here in downtown O-Town.  They have the YUMMIEST chicken stuffed with broccoli and cheese (or I was just extremely hungry)!!  But I digress...or is that digest?

Anyway, for some INSANE reason we went to lunch at 11:30.  Maybe it was a subconscious wish to avoid the company quarterly meeting?  Either way, we went, we feasted, we laughed...A LOT...and we left.  Back at the office by 12:40, even though we walked really, really slow so we had to wait for a train to pass before we could continue our trek back to the office.

NOW....our day is dragging by sooooooo slow.  We have taken a common vow.  NEVER GO TO LUNCH EARLY AGAIN!!!

Who Am I?

Something I have been pondering a little more lately, especially now that I have decided to accept and embrace my bipolar disorder, is...Who Am I?  This is an especially challenging question because it is complicated with the bipolar.  I mean, of course, I know what my basic attributes are, but some of my other ones I wonder if they truly are who I am or if they are just manifestations of my disorder.

For example, I'd like to think I'm basically a happy person.  But when I get uber-happy, is that mania or just that I'm feeling really good?  Or when I get depressed, is that who I really am?  Or maybe I am all of these things and none.

Maybe I should compile a list of what I "know" about myself? 

What about you?  How would YOU answer the question, "Who Am I"?

We Will Never Forget BUT We Will Learn to Forgive!

I avoid the news as much as possible now.  It's filled with so much negativity and most of what I read, the only thing I can do anyway is pray for those that suffer.  Unfortunately, Yahoo! mail insists on keeping me informed by always popping up with their news page when I log into my mail account.  So, I saw the above image this morning with the heading, "9/11 Suspects to be Tried in New York".  With the timing, I can only assume that some who hung this banner may be hanging on to their anger and hatred from this tragic event (as are many other Americans).  It made me start thinking (ouch! LOL) and this is what I thought would make a much better banner...  How about: 

We Will Never Forget
BUT
We Will Learn to Forgive! 

And we wonder why there is so much hatred, fear, and war in our world??  I agree, we should always remember those that have passed, but unfortunately, too many people cling to the fear, hatred, and anger, too.  It is time to learn to forgive.  We claim to be a Spiritual and Christian nation, but seem to forget  Master Jesus said to forgive.

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
-Matthew 6:14-15
 
"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well." 
-Matthew 5:38-40

The Human Route

The Human Route

Coming empty-handed, going empty-handed -- that is human.

When you are born, where do you come from?

When you die, where do you go?

Life is like a floating cloud which disappears.

The floating cloud itself originally does not exist.

Life and death, coming and going, are also like that.

But there is one thing which always remains clear.

It is pure and clear, not depending on life and death.

What, then, is the one pure and clear thing?

-- Zen Master Seung Sahn

Symptoms of Inner Peace

Symptoms Of Inner Peace

by Saskia Davis

A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences

An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment

A loss of interest in judging other people

A loss of interest in judging self

A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others

A loss of interest in conflict

A loss of ability to worry

Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation

Contented feelings of connectedness with others & nature

Frequent attacks of smiling

An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen

An increased susceptibility to love extended by others and the uncontrollable urge to extend it

Thought for the day: Inner Peace

Inner peace is the key: if you have inner peace, the external problems do not affect your deep sense of peace and tranquility. In that state of mind you can deal with situations with calmness and reason, while keeping your inner happiness. That is very important. Without this inner peace, no matter how comfortable your life is materially, you may still be worried, disturbed or unhappy because of circumstances.

~The Dalai Lama

I can get flustered so easily when events happen, so this is a good sign to me that I do not have inner peace.  That's why my life has been devoted to understanding myself and finding that inner peace.  I am finding that Buddhism (the philosophy) has become an extremely valuable tool in my quest.

Have a Blessed day!

Happy 11.11.11 Day!

Today is a magical number day!  The date translates as 11.11.11 (you add the 2 and 9 together in the year)

In numerology this translates as:  1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 0 + 0 + 9 = 15.  Numerology continues adding numbers together until you have a single digit remaining so 1+5 = 6

If you add together 11 + 11 + 11 = 33 

33 is considered a master number as the number 3 is associated with the trinity - God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit.

Adding the 3 + 3 = 6, you still get the single number 6 (same as the method used above).

6, in Vedic Astrology, stands for beauty and love.  Embrace the ones you love and fully enjoy the beauty that is around you today.  Sitting in a drab office?  Look around!  You will find beauty somewhere!!!  You only have to look!  (Of course, we should do this every day, but it's especially important today!)

Also remain mindful of the time of day:  11:11 AM and 11:11 PM.  Since this is a full alignment (and will only happen twice today, once this year) these are powerful times for prayer and meditation!

I already know it's a powerful day for love.  My hubby made lunch for me this morning.  He never, ever does that or asks to.  So believe in the power of love today!!

Have a Loving, Beautiful day!

Finally! Relief!

Just a quick post that I am finally starting to feel more like myself.  It's amazing, but it's almost like a switch is suddenly thrown and I can feel my mood beginning to lighten.  I feel more like talking, joking around with the guys at work, and finding pleasure again in things that I usually enjoy.

This was a tough one, for sure.  I spoke to the doctor's office on Monday and he approved increasing my medication (Lamictal) from 150 mg to 200 mg.  I don't know if the improvement in my mood is due to the medication increase - or if it's just the natural course of the disorder.  Doesn't matter why.  All I know is that I am grateful that IT IS.

Each time I go through this and can successfully come out the other side of it, I learn something new.  I realize now, and am working to accept, that I do have a serious mental illness.  When I admit to someone that I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I always follow it with, "But I am a lower-level bipolar.  I don't have it as bad as most do".  Instead of minimizing, I have to learn to accept it and live with it ... peacefully.  Peacefully, is the hard part.

I also realize the importance of a mood journal now also.  I think I have actually been manic for a long time this year and have just finally hit the depressive point.  Extended mania is unusual for me because I'm normally the more depressive type.  I was just riding the wave and thinking, "Hey!  I'm doing GREAT!"  Now I realize that it was hypomania, which is eventually followed by depression.

A mood chart will help me chart my moods each day so I can review it over a period of time to see what my high and low periods are, as well as how quickly I'm cycling.  I've been reviewing mood charts and am trying to develop something that is easy to use.  An iPhone app would really be great because I always have my iPhone with me.  If it's on the computer or written in a journal, then it's not as easy to access and more likely to fail.

I have also realized that I need to be much, much kinder to myself.  If I don't feel like talking to people, then it's okay to say "no, I don't feel like talking".  If I need to lie in bed and cry, then it's okay to lie in bed and cry.  It's okay to do whatever I need to do to take care of myself - regardless of what others think I "should" do.

I've also come to realize the importance of meditation in helping me maintain my balance.  I have successfully incorporated getting up earlier in the morning just so I can be sure I have my 10-minute centering meditation before I start my day.  I also found getting up earlier removes the pressure of being on time to work in the morning.  This also helps.

I realize that those who care about me only wish to help, however misguided they may be.  I also realize that my expectations of those who are in my support system needs to change.  For those that truly want to be a support system for me, they need to understand what I have a lot better than they currently do.  Not just pop in with the, "hang in there", "tomorrow will be better", "this is only temporary" platitudes every now and then.  They have to be a fully integrated part of my life.  I also realize that this is a lot to ask of another person.  Therefore, I do not expect it from anyone any more.  If you are reading this and you want to be a support person, then YOU have to approach me and ask to be that person.  Otherwise, do not be upset if I tell you I don't want to talk to you or if I don't return your phone calls.  We all have to realize our own limitations and what we are willing to offer to another person, without compromising ourselves.

This really came home to me when I spoke to a woman after our Buddhism class on Sunday.  She is dating someone who is bipolar and was talking about how difficult it is as a support person.  It really made me think about my support system, what I expect, and what they expect in return.

The important thing is:  I feel better!!  One of the teachers in our Buddhism class told me, "You need to take a vacation from your mind".  He's right.  I think too much about things.  It's okay to stop thinking and just be -- especially when I'm struggling with my disorder.

I'm learning...to just....be....  No future.  No past.  Just this moment right now....

The difference between depression and sadness

1. Depressed Mood
A person may report feeling "sad" or "empty" or may cry frequently. Children and adolescents may exhibit irritability.

2. Decreased Interest or Pleasure
A person may show markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, daily activities.

3. Weight Changes
Significant changes in weight when not attempting to gain or lose (a gain or loss of 5% or more in a month) may be indicative of depression. In children, this may also present as a failure to make expected weight gains.

4. Sleep Disturbances
Insomnia or sleeping too much may be a symptom of depression.

5. Psychomotor Agitation or Retardation
The person may be observed to be either agitated and restless or physically slowed down in their movements.

6. Fatigue
Deep fatigue or a loss of energy is a symptom of depression.

7. Feelings of Worthlessness or Guilt
A depressed person may feel that they have no value or they may feel inappropriately guilty about things they have no control over.

8. "Brain Fog"
A depressed person may have a diminished ability to think, concentrate or make decisions.

9. Thoughts of Death
A depressed person may have recurring thoughts of death, especially thoughts of suicide, with or without a specific plan.

Although depression is often thought of a being an extreme state of sadness, there is a vast difference between clinical depression and sadness. Sadness is a part of being human, a natural reaction to painful circumstances. All of us will experience sadness at some point in our lives. Depression, however, is a physical illness with many more symptoms than an unhappy mood. The person with clinical depression finds that there is not always a logical reason for his dark feelings. Exhortations from well-meaning friends and family for him to "snap out of it" provide only frustration for he can no more "snap out of it" than the diabetic can will his pancreas to produce more insulin. Sadness is a transient feeling that passes as a person comes to term with his troubles. Depression can linger for weeks, months or even years. The sad person feels bad, but continues to cope with living. A person with clinical depression may feel overwhelmed and hopeless.

Healing Prayer at Bedtime

Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit, go back into my memory as I sleep.  Every hurt that has ever been done to me - heal that hurt.  Every hurt that I have ever caused to another person - heal that hurt.  All of the relationships that have been damaged in my whole life that I am not aware of - heal those relationships. But Lord, if there is anything that I need to do - if I need to go to a person because he is still suffering from my hand - bring to my awareness that person.  I choose to forgive and I ask to be forgiven. Remove whatever bitterness that may be in my heart, Lord, and fill the empty spaces with your love.  Thank you, Jesus.  Amen.

-- prayer from Catholic Church in St Augustine, Florida, original source unknown