I just finished reading, "Many Lives, Many Masters" by Brian Weiss. If you haven't read it, it is his personal experience as a psychiatrist with a patient he used hypnotic regression to help treat her anxiety issues. What he did not expect was regressing her into past life times. Personally, I believe that
if there is a life after this one, then reincarnation is a real possibility. But this post is not about reincarnation; it's that the book has gotten me to thinking about my personal "near death" experience. So, I decided to share it with my faithful reader or two...
In January 2009, I had an extremely simple, standard, everyday outpatient surgery. I have had a few outpatient surgeries and never had any complications. I have no fear of "going under the knife". However, the experience I had after this surgery completely blew my mind and sent me reeling.
Lying in the operating room as they prepared to put me under, I sent a prayer to guide the doctors and the nurses during the procedure. As soon as I had finished my prayer, I felt the immediate presence of my grandmother, grandfather, and father. All of them have passed over into Spirit. A peace came over me as I quickly slipped from conscious to unconscious.
My return to consciousness was beautiful and frightening at the same time. When I began to wake I found myself in an all white "room". There were no walls, floor, or ceiling, but everywhere was all white. As I "stood" there, I saw a group of very tall beings before me. We were finishing a discussion when I felt myself being pulled away from them, as if I were being "sucked" into a vaccuum, and next was aware of an excruciating pain in my chest and feeling as if I couldn't swallow and was choking to death.
Although my experience was very quick and very brief, I have absolutely no doubts that I was in the presence of great, beautiful beings. My surgery, as I mentioned earlier, was a very routine procedure that involved a female part of my body. Why in the world would I have this excruciating pain in my chest? I spent two hours in recovery before my oxygen levels and the pain had subsided enough to be moved to post-recovery.
When I saw my doctor a week later, I asked him what happened. He wouldn't give me any details other than to tell me that I needed to file a complaint with the hospital so they would do an investigation. He had never seen the anthesiologist before and even made the comment that he "has never been afraid to have anyone put him under before". I walked away stunned and with the impression that perhaps I came close to dying during the surgery.
Two weeks later I had an epiphany so strong that it almost brought me to my knees. I was stunned and speechless. If you've ever seen the movie, "The Matrix", you will remember the scenes where when they needed specific information (such as how to fly a helicopter) it was "downloaded" into their brain and within minutes they knew how to fly a helicopter. My epiphany was just like that. It was instantenous "knowing". I then understood what had happened to me.
It was a pre-arranged exit point for me. For whatever reason, I had "planned" this event so that if I wanted to leave this life, I could. What almost brought me to my knees though, was the reason I chose to stay. In that very moment, I felt this overwhelming Divine Love that is beyond description. It is beyond our human capacity to full understand. I remembered saying to "them", "I cannot leave Troy" and upon saying it feeling that beautiful, pure love fill my soul...my essence...my very being.
As I re-read what I have written so far, I realize that I began this post with, "...
if there is a life after this one, then reincarnation is a real possibility." Let me explain the
if. Until we die, we really don't know for sure. We can believe our experiences (such as mine), we can believe what we intuit, or feel. But until we die, we really do not know for sure.
All I do know is that whatever I experienced that day was unlike anything I have ever remembered experiencing before. It was powerful. I cannot forget those beings I left behind as I awoke. They had no faces and no real form, yet I know they "stood" before me. I do know that they were a representation of everything beautiful, powerful, loving, and hopeful.
I also know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, I had a choice that day and I chose to remain.
I'll have to talk to my Mom about the time when I was around 5 and had pneumonia. If I remember correctly, she said I almost died then. I wonder if I ever talked about that experience..or if it really happened. I wonder if it could have been another pre-arranged point.
So for me, there is no doubt that there is something beyond this lifetime. I do not fear death for I know it is not the end.
Super busy the next two days and am trying to keep an even keel. i focalize tonight's medicine wheel ceremony. we probably won't get home and in bed until 1 or 2 am. then back up to decide which music to use for our 6 PM meditation saturday night and get laundry done before meditation. back home after meditation and in bed around 1 or 2 am again. then up early to drive to the panhandle so steven and i can visit my grandmother (his great-grandmother). it's about an 8 hour drive (ugh) but will be fun in my car. i love driving my car, so maybe it will make the trip a little less weary. of course, i'm sure steven can keep me entertained the whole way. he has lots to say on a wide variety of topics so there's always lots to talk about. i just have to keep him away from too much car talk! LOL
