the economy is so bad that...

A friend sent this to me (thanks, Steve) and I thought some of these were the funniest things I've read in a long time.  Hope you enjoy them as well!  Here, have a chuckle on me, will ya...?

The economy is so bad that.....

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

mindfulness in action! you saw it here first!

Master Zen Kitteh Cat demonstrates the technique of mindfulness.  Full Awareness of one's surroundings without reacting to it.

Fearless Feline @ Yahoo! Video

1 good thing

One good thing about mania... organization and cleaning skills are off the charts!!!

just once...

you know those spam emails that you get in which some stranger is asking for your help with some type of banking transaction worth millions of dollars and they are willing to give you a large percentage to handle it for them?

you know how some of them come with the subject line: 
CAN I TRUST YOU?

just once, i'd love to reply:  NO

10 Things I Love About Keri

Karen's Note:  In the spirit of showing more Gratitude in my posts this year, I thought I would choose a different person and write 10 things I like about him/her as a blog tribute.  There is no specific order to the posts, so don't get offended if you aren't first and don't let it go to your head if you are! LOL

There is someone I work with that I think is absolutely amazing.  Not in a gay way, IYKWIM.  (For the uninitiated:  IYKWIM = "If you know what I mean".  It's a lot easier to type IYKWIM in IM than to fully type it out.) 

Keri is such a beautiful person inside and out.  She speaks honestly from her heart and is loving, kind, considerate, and loyal.  She's okay in my book.

She and I go to lunch a couple (or more) times a week with our other Lunch Partners In Crime (LPIC).  The range of discussions we have at lunch are never-ending.  We laugh.  We insult each other.  We support each other.  We have fun together.  We have also been known to create a visual expression of a word versus verbally. For example, wiggling your bent fingers, as if typing, while held at the same level as your waist = IMing. Wiggling your bent figures and held higher than the waist = typing an email.

But this post is about Keri.  She is more than my lunch-buddy and co-worker.  She is my friend.  I am very blessed to have her in my life and would like to share with you why.  Since this first blog tribute is about Keri, it only seems appropriate that the tributes should be written in LIST format.

1. Keri is addicted to list-making just like I am.
2. We hate talking on the phone (um, to anyone, not just to each other) because we prefer speaking in person.
3. We use A LOT of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!
4. We are extremely picky about our blog posts and can spend hours writing just one! 
5. She has a great sense of humor and can roll with the best of them.
6. She smiles and laughs a lot.
7. She likes to read.
8. She's one of those rare bubbly people that you actually enjoy being around and look forward to it.
9. She loves office supplies.
10. She loves singing in the car.

I hope that you someday have the good fortune of Keri's path crossing with yours.  I am most grateful that hers has crossed mine and I'm enjoying our journey together.

I'm turning Japanese...

I cannot get that song out of my head right now for some reason.  All the way down to the guitars and everything.  "I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so...think so...think so..."  Now I hope it's stuck in your head too.  I'm sharing the wealth with you.  LOL

I see Dr Chacko next week, which is a good thing.  I believe the new med, Lexapro, has pushed me a little into the manic state and I may be rapid cycling a little more quickly.  I have been keeping my daily mood chart so I can bring it with me to show my doctor.  I still believe perimenopause has a lot of influence on my current mood swings.  However, the 1 AM blogging I am doing right now screams mania.  And, YES, I AM taking my medication every day. 

Week before last everything was blowing up at work all week long.  It was an extremely stressful start to the year at work.  Thankfully, this past week things were much calmer.  I was able to focus on my ticket queue and got almost all of them caught up.  On Friday, however, I did find it extremely difficult to stay focused.  Fortunately, I left early Friday to get a few things for Troy's birthday and picked Spike up from the vet.

Even though I know I should be in bed right now, I cannot seem to get my mind to slow down enough to actually be able to lie still.

I was really rude to someone (two people, actually) yesterday and I feel kinda bad about it.  It was a good learning experience.  I was annoyed because when we arrived to set up for meditation at the bookstore the floor in the meeting room was covered with leaves, trash, dirt, sand, and other debris.  As we pulled up two people were standing inside the room apparently planning to leave.  When I walked into the room I became angry and wasn't kind, gentle, or tactful in the expression of my feelings on the condition of the room.  As Troy and Daniel quickly (and wisely) began removing things from the room, I found and successfully hit the other two unmoving targets in the room.

I knew I was being rude, but was too annoyed (and a little panicky about getting the room cleaned and set up before people started arriving for meditation) to stop and apologize or admit to my rudeness.

It bugged me all night (probably why my second meditation didn't go very well) and today.  I have worried at it like a dog with a bone.  (Like my Mom said, I think too much.)  I wanted to understand my feelings and as I examined myself I came to realize a few enlightening things.

• Instead of being truly in service to those around me by cleaning the room before and after use, I resented that others were not doing the same.  LESSON:  Do things IN SERVICE to others without any expectations of same action by others.

• Due to my impressive powers of procrastination, we were a little late leaving the house.  Although we arrived on time, I was in a panic that we were running late instead of living in the moment and realizing we were on schedule and not running late, even with a messy room to clean up.  LESSON:  RELAX!  Accept that all is well and there is no benefit in rushing around.  Stop.  Breathe.  Assess.  Continue.

• I am self-righteously angered when others are not respecful of our sacred space at the bookstore.  LESSON:  Who am I to judge others and their actions?  Who am I to deem myself more respectful of a space than others just because I may be more aware of its sacredness and wish to honor it?

Still haven't written the way long-overdue email to friends of ours.  As each day goes by I feel worse and worse for not writing.  For some reason, I just cannot seem to sit down and write it.  I think it's just all the shame and fear of rejection for not writing before now.  Maybe tomorrow (today?) I'll get it written.

I am also still working on my New Year 2010 project.

Yeah, you can see I'm having trouble staying focused on any one thing.

Something odd I have also meant to mention.  During the first week of the year I had this incredibly heavy, impending feeling of doom.  I felt unsteady, uncertain.  As if something big was going to happen.  I didn't feel threatened or in danger, just "impending doom".  I cannot remember the last time I have felt something like that so strongly and lasting for over a week.

A few days ago I realized that the feeling of doom had gone away.  Thinking back, I tried to remember when I last felt it.  I honestly believe it was a few days before the earthquake hit Haiti.

Premonition?  Did I sense it coming like an animal senses it before a tornado, tsunami or earthquake strikes?  Was it just stress related to my job that week?  Just another one of those things that happens and you'll never know the answer for sure.

At meditation last night my friend, Lorena, perfectly summed up how I have been feeling.  I cannot express it as eloquently as she, but here's my spin on it.

I've been feeling disconnected from Source/Creator/God/Whatever-You-Call-It and am searching for Its manifestation in my physical reality.

What more is there to say?

*snicker*

BTW: I noticed no one commented on the Menopause blog.  Means one of two things.  One, no one is reading my blog -OR- two, everyone who is reading it is AFRAID to post!

Muwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!!!

would someone please explain to me...

...why soda companies were so brilliant to come up with the cardboard dispenser-style packaging and no one put any serious thought into reinforcing the side of the pack that the sodas are retreived from?  If you aren't extremely careful when you tear the opening off the box, the seam splits on the side that is supposed to remain connected as the lip to hold the sodas.  Then they all come rolling out like a bunch of people going over Niagra Falls in barrels.  Your handy-dandy brilliant dispenser is now a piece of cardboard to be recycled. 

Soda Fairy, would you please do something about that?  Thank you.

And while I'm asking for things, Pepsi Fairy, thanks so much for the Throwback teasers.  Could we make it a full-time product again?  Thank you.  Your Biggest Fan, Karen

...and during THIS period....

I don't want to hear anyone else tell me I'm too young to be entering into menopause!  Even WebMD agrees with me!  It really makes me BOILING MAD when someone tries to tell me I'm too "young".  WHO are you?  WHAT do YOU know about ME? 

Are you the one waking up in a pool of water in the middle of the night feeling like a fish flopping around gasping for air?  Are you the one that kicks all the covers off because you're so hot to reach out and yank them back up 10 minutes later because you're shivering?  I don't think so.

Menopause is like this elite club that women can only enter when their body allows them to.  But it's not the stage of life we all go running toward.  As a baby, we couldn't wait to crawl, as a child to walk and run, as a teen to break free of our parents incessant nagging and control.  We couldn't wait to be kissed for the first time or to go "all-the-way" with just the right person.  (Okay, that may be a chick thing.  For guys, it was just about going all-the-way at anytime with anyone.)

Marriage and children, for many, is another thing we are taught to strive for as yet another stage of freedom and accomplishment in our lives.  Once we have our children, we look forward to the days of cherishing our children as we watch them drive away to pursue their own dreams.  As we wave goodbye to our children, we begin looking forward to retirement and enjoying our "golden years" and our grandchildren.

The ONE thing we NEVER, EVER look forward to is MENOPAUSE.  We associate menopause with sweating profusely at odd moments.  Carrying a shawl around all the time because you just MIGHT get the chills while trying to eat dinner.  (I've found it's difficult to enjoy your food when your teeth are chattering.)  Even better, bursting into tears when someone looks at you and says, "You look really nice today", and then not being able to explain to them WHY you are in tears and that it really WASN'T something THEY said.  Or the moodiness!  Dear God!  Like the moodiness that came with PMS and our teen years was just such a BLAST, LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!

What I have learned, however, it really isn't MENOPAUSE we fear and hate.  It's PERIMENOPAUSE.  The period (if you'll pardon the pun) BEFORE menopause.  (Hence, the peri - clever of them to name it that way, huh?)  Perimenopause is when you go to bed in nice clean sheets and wake up in a sweaty pool to find your "Aunt" suddenly decided to pop in for a vist all over your nice clean sheets.  It's when everyone begins tip-toeing around you because they have NO idea of what will set you off next.  It's never knowing how many or what size tampons you might need to bring along "just-in-case".  (Speaking of that, I have a question Mr. Tampon Boxer.  Why do you have multi-packs with Regular and Super, Super and Super-Plus, but no Regular and Super AND Super Plus?  What about women in PERIMENOPAUSE that have all KINDS of stuff going on in the factory???  Obviously, the packaging of tampons was designed by either men -- or pre-perimenopausal women. 

Menopause.  Why, menopause is the DREAM.  It is when there is no period.  Period.  No more carrying a tampon with you every single time you go to the bathroom 'cause you just NEVER know.  It's when people begin to smile at you more often and you get invited to lunch again.  It's when you go to sleep smelling nice clean sheets and wake up smelling them too.  It's giving all your shawls away to charity because you don't need them anymore.  Menopause represents freedom, Ladies.

Why, Ladies....Perimenopause is the admission price we all pay for Menopause.  A high one, for sure, but definitely worth it in the end!
-----------------------------------------
SIDE NOTE:  This piece was written as an attempt at humor over the perils of perimenopause that I am personally experiencing.  It is intended to perhaps invoke a smile, or if I'm lucky, a laugh.  Perimenopause can be a very serious stage in a woman's life.  Learn everything you can about the symptoms and what you can do to best manage them. Be especially supportive of the women in your life who may be going through this stage.  They need you to love them and be there for them.

Keri - this one took two hours...  LOL

The REAL challenge we ALL face in 2010...

For many years now, probably since I worked for the international joint venture company, I have written the date in the following format:  YYYYMMDD

In 2009, this was not an issue.  It is ONLY January and I've already realized how difficult the next nine months are going to be!  It's the zero at the end of the year and the zero at the beginning of the month that is making it challenging.  Not to mention the fact that for nine years we've been typing 200_ and NOW we have to start typing 201_; and during the first nine days of the month it's even trickier!!  Think about it...

20100106

Okay, may not look too bad.  (If you're a geek, it probably looks like code to you.)  However, YOU try typing it.  Pull up notepad and try typing todays date without pausing.  Do it a couple of times kinda quick.  Now, is it just me, or is that slightly challenging to get all the zeros in the right place??

20100106

I mean, isn't it bad enough we struggle with writing the previous year on things for a month or two at the beginning of the year.  NOW, we have to worry about the order of a whole bunch of freakin' zeros!!

What do you think???     ;-P

my 2010 personal goals

• Count my Blessings:  each night before I go to sleep, record in a journal at least one blessing from that day
• Express Gratitude:   say "thank you" at least once a day
• Dream Bigger and Plan For It:  choose something really special to do with Troy in 2011
• Meditation:  attend Vipassana retreat in late February/early March 2010
• Special Occasions:  purchase, sign, and mail cards at least one week prior to the event
• Walk:  stop talking about walking every night and start doing it
• Develop Compassion:  for myself and others
• Accept:  who I am
• Complain Less:  enough said
• Spiritual Traditions:  continue learning about Buddhism and other eastern traditions
• Who Am I?  get closer to the answer
• Listen More:  talk less
• Relationships:  love more and expect less
• Work:  show more patience and flexibility
• Friendships:  spend time reconnecting
• Marriage:  do something really special this year for our 25th anniversary
• Happiness:  spend more time making others happy
• Wife:  make Troy smile and know that he is loved
• Mom:  be the best Mom to Steven that I possibly can in whatever way he needs me
• Family:  spend more time sharing good times
• Others:  see the beauty in each person I know and meet
• Laugh, Love, and Smile:  more

Mike LaPorta

Saw a name today that I had not seen or heard spoken in a very, very long time.  Mike LaPorta.  I was surfing Facebook looking at pictures when I stumbled across his name on a page.

Mike and I worked in the Presentations department for a small defense contractor in Orlando.  Anyone who has ever worked in the Presentations department for a defense contractor knows that the hours can be long and demanding.  Mike was the supervisor of our department and an overall great guy.

As people sometimes do, Mike and I got to know each other over the many months of long nights working on proposals and technical specs.  We found we had very similar family history, except it was his mother that was paranoid schizophrenic, not his father.  What are the chances of working with someone with a similar background that understands?  Extremely rare.  We also both struggled with major depression and the desire to just end it all when you hit those deep, dark bottoms and it feels as if the sun will never shine again.  He understood me, mentally, in a way no one else had the ability to.  He is the only person I could talk to about the suicidal feelings and he could really understand and he got it.  We could talk about suicide as easily as people discuss what they had for dinner last night.

At that time, Troy and I worked for the same company as Mike, so Troy knew him as well.  Early one morning Troy called to tell me he heard that Mike had successfully committed suicide.  It was like a punch to my stomach.  I could not believe what I was hearing.  It is one memory, I have never lost.  How I felt when I heard the news.

Mike and I talked and supported one another and discussed all the reasons why we shouldn't commit suicide.  All the reasons why we should live.  I never, ever had any indication that he would eventually commit suicide.  I was completely devastated.

And yet, at the same time, I understood and envied his release.  For that is how one sees it when you live with that desire to end your life.  It is not the end, but a release from the emotional turmoil you live in.

I don't hate him for what he did.  I truly understand.  But I'm glad I've kept fighting all these years.  I'm glad that I'm still around.  But I do miss him.  I miss the potential that he could have gotten the right help and lived a life filled with possibilities.  Like I have and continue to do.

Wherever you are now, Mike, know that you have left a life-long impression on me.  I hope you found the peace you sought.  Rest easy, my friend.  I love and miss you.

ToDo ToDay

In honor of my list-making obsession (and due to a suggestion of a friend), here's the things I want to accomplish today:

• Scrub bathroom floor
• Scrub tub, shower walls, and shower door
• Scrub bathroom sink and countertop
• Rearrange livingroom like Troy and I have talked about doing it for over two weeks now
• Hang Dikki-Jo pictures
• Call Dave and Mom
• Make brownies - done!
• Clean kitchen - done!
• Scrub kitchen floor

Um, yeah, we'll see how much I actually accomplish today!

Ode to the good 'ole Red White & Blue!

In June last year, the "Throwback" versions of Pepsi and Mountain Dew were produced for a limited time.  (You can click on the title to read a little 411 about Pepsi Throwback.)  I was a little late in trying it since I thought it was just another one of those weirded out versions of Pepsi.  I'm a Pepsi naturalist.  I like good, old-fashioned Pepsi.  None of that Cherry, Super-Strange tainted Pepsi for me.  Once I realized what Throwback Pepsi was (I believe it was my son that enlightened me), I bought it everywhere I could find it.  Unfortunately, it was at the end of the run and I didn't get many.  I appealed to those around me, "If you find it, buy it for me!" 

My hometown, Panama City, is considered "PC Territory".  (Cute, huh?  The play on PC?  Panama City.  Pepsi Cola.  Ingenious, really.)  But in my family, every freaking body drinks Coke.  Both sides of the family even! I don't get it.  I'm kind of an oddity in my family. As a child, my Grandmother always bought Tab and it was my utmost favorite drink.  But when I discovered Pepsi, I never looked back.

So imagine my excitement when my son called me from work to announce they had Throwback Pepsi again!  And even better!  It's in the retro design of original Pepsi too!!!  Hooray!!!  I immediately had him buy all Walgreen had in stock (6 12-packs). 

Troy and I went to Publix a couple of days ago and they had many, many 12-packs.  More 12-packs than I have money.  However, they are on sale, and I'm sure I can make quite a dent in that huge display.

This is my ode to the Red, White, and Blue!

Oh, how very much I do love you!

Coca-Cola just can't beat,

Pepsi Cola's natural sweet.

I'm not very good at writing ode's,

and this one's kinda short.

But Pepsi is the drink I choose.

Coke is something people snort!

Blessing #2309

Having family and friends in my life that I can count on.  Special blessing:  there is more than one.

the LIST

Anyone who really knows me, knows how much I love list-making!  My Mom tells me I've been doing it since I was a little girl.  Maybe it's part of the whole bipolar thing and the desire to control that which appears controllable around me.  Either way, I love making lists.

So, one would reason, New Years Day would be an especially exciting time for me due to the custom of worldwide list-making.  All over the world, people are embracing one of my passions.  List-making!  Prior to this year, I have always refused to make New Year Resolution lists because they were only a list of my future failures.  Yeah, yeah, I know, not the best attitude, but, whatever.  It is what it was.

This year, however, I have come to realize that we are all approaching our list making in the most wrong way ever!!! This revelation is in part due to my good friend Kevin. He posted his List of Goals for 2010 and after reading them, it gave me much to ponder. Many of our lists contain the end result, but few contain the hows or whys.  When I read over Kevin's list, I noticed he had listed, not only the what, but the how and/or why.  This, obviously, was a list he had given great thought to.  How can you not admire a person who does something like that?  As an obsessive list maker, I can only bow in such list-making greatness.

In all seriousness, it has given me a great deal to consider in the creation of my first annual "list".  Perhaps my fatalistic view toward New Year Resolution lists was because I approached it all from the wrong way.  I need to not only give thought to the end-result, but maybe a little more thought to the planning and implementation of manifesting desired end-results.

I HIGHLY recommend reading Kevin's list, HOWEVER, be prepared that if you do read it, you will come away thinking deep thoughts about what your personal goals are for the coming year!  That is not a bad thing, though.  :)

CLICK HERE to see Kevin's awesome list.

Happy New Year everyone!!!

May all beings be free

May all beings be peaceful

May all beings be happy

May all beings be safe