For over a year I have carried a business card for a tree service company that stopped by my house one day and left their card with me. The thought of removing that tree wasn't even a possibility in my mind. I love that old tree.
I pulled out the card, amazed to find I still had it, and called the owner, Jason. He met me that evening and agreed the tree needed to come down. There was a large branch hanging over our home that reached halfway across the roof. If it fell it would be devastating. We agreed to a price and he began cutting Friday afternoon.
I was (and still am) heartbroken we lost our tree. He offered us beautiful shade and protection from sun and rain for the 20 years we've lived here. We could sit on our front porch, almost hidden by the canopy of leaves in the spring and summer, and watch squirrels play on the tree. We had four feeders for the squirrels and would love watching them dart in and out of the feeders grabbing a bite to eat. Blue jays, crows, starlings, pigeons, doves, woodpecker, and hawk have all passed through our tree and visited our feeders or the ground beneath them.
Now all that remains is a very large stump cut close to the ground and memories. Being at the farm and then experiencing this with the tree teaches me the things we hold closest and dearest to us are things we must appreciate each moment we are with it. At some point during our 20+ year relationship, Grandfather Oak planted a baby spirit tree in me. It lives within me and I feel it stronger now that he has changed shape. When I was a child my family planted a seed in me that has grown into a reverance and respect for that piece of land above all other. That land says Family.
I spent a couple of days crying and, as my friend Bob says, obsessing, over the loss of the tree. "It's a grieving process I'm going through", I assured him. But he was right, I was also obsessing. Bob is really good at spotting it in me and I appreciate when he helps me see it too. He helps keep me out of trouble at work. Most of the time.
I wrote a friend who wrote his friends and they made wonderful suggestions for appropriate ways to honor our tree and show our gratitude. I finally settled for a heart hug. I have found the "heart hug" to be the most healing hug of all. It is when you allow your heart to touch the heart of the person you are hugging. In order to do so, it requires full trust and openness to the other. When I gave a heart hug to Grandfather Tree, he let me feel how very, very tired he was. I realized, he was ready to go and so now I had to be ready also. I poured my love and gratitude into my heart and sent it into him, hoping to touch him in his slumber.
Jason and his crew were amazing artists to watch as they transformed our beloved tree into a stump. It seemed appropriate to watch something so beautiful be cut so gracefully, so balanced. They were so considerate about our special request for pieces we wished to save. They carefully cut them, preserving them as much as possible for our desired uses. A 6" thick by 3-ft wide flat piece for a table top. An 18" long thick branch to be used by Troy for a water drum. Odd and end pieces to be used in arts and crafts and other ways.
Grandfather Oak did not die. He continues to live on. Nothing dies. Everything just changes shape and form.
Trees
I THINK that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
Joyce Kilmer. 1886–1918
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