...and does it really matter? It's been challenging the past month or two to maintain balance. At first I struggled with Brother Depression and feelings of paranoia, fear, and hopelessness. Now I'm on the flip side (and honestly, the side I like better) with Sister Mania. Oh my, but things get ACCOMPLISHED when she's in charge. Full of energy, a zillion ideas whizzing through my mind faster than I can keep up with. Each thought like a star flying through the vast universe of my mind. My body buzzes with the electricity zipping through me and the need to move, to do, to create, to.... SING... "We are Family! I got all my sisters with me...hand me that broom!..."
And before you ask; yes, I am taking my medication every day in the prescribed amount and have not skipped any doses. (I know people always mean well when they ask that question but it still gets under my skin.) I also have not self-medicated or taken any other additional medications.
I see the doctor in early September so we'll see what he thinks then. Troy is going with me so he can answer any questions the doctor may have about my "behavior". *sigh* This is my life.
Together we'll determine if this shift is due to the unusual stress in our lives the past couple of months, or if it's time to start playing medication roulette again. I've sure enjoyed being as stable as I have been the past four years. I know as we age our body chemistry changes, which means the maintenance medications we are using may need to be adjusted. (BTW: This goes for any kind of medication: blood pressure, heart, etc.)
I am one of the fortunate ones with Bipolar. Mine is not extreme. Yeah, I can embarass myself and others when I'm manic. Want to kill myself and give up on everything when I'm depressed. But mine is much more easily controlled through life style and medication than for others with Bipolar. I am especially blessed that I found one of those extremely rare soul mates who agreed to come share his life with me, through thick and thin, through heaven and hell, as I experienced the life lessons this disorder would bring to me, for whatever reason I chose to experience them. He has not always understood but he has always been right here next to me. He's never left me. He's always supportive in the best way he knows how and each day he learns more that, in turn, helps me even more.
Thank you, Troy. Not only are you the love of my life, but you are the life of my love. Without your love, I don't know if I would have hung in there as long as I have. Without your sacrifices, I know I would not be the beautiful person I am today. I love you.
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