Illustrated Bipolars

Did you know that Bipolar Disorder is a life-threatening illness? It's more than just mood swings. It's more than just your average depression (sadness) that most people experience and much, much different from being super happy and hyper. If you don't have it, you can't truly know or understand it.I came across this graphic the other day and was so surprised at how accurately it describes the thinking process of a bipolar in manic versus depressive states. Change the face on the image and it could be me! It was so nice to see a simple, graphical representation of what I experience on different sides of the mood swing. I'm not always there. Sometimes I am able to maintain balance. Sometimes, I feel exactly as the graphic above describes it. I'm definitely still in a manic state right now. My mood is elevated and can quickly become irritable over simple small things. Ask anyone who has been talking with me lately, my speech has been loud, rapid, and running. (Poor Miss Beverly. She was subjected to a good 30-minute non-stop dialogue when I stopped by to see her during my lunch hour today.) I'm feeling hyperactive and my need for sleep has decreased. I'm filled with a flurry of ideas and am ready to write that award-winning novel and paint my house all in one week end!! I must admit, however, that like most Bipolars I love the manic state. One of the challenges as a Bipolar is accepting BOTH sides of the disorder. We can't embrace the mania and then run from the depression when it comes. However, manic we become, the pendulum will eventually swing the other way and the depression will usually be just as deep as the mania was high. I'm still struggling with acceptance of the depressive side. It truly sucks! So, the next time you aren't real sure about that conversation on the phone or how I'm behaving when I'm around you, just consult this handy little guide. If I cut you off in conversation, it's really not because I'm rude. It's because I'm manic and having trouble controlling the thoughts in my head and the speech bursting from my mouth. If I'm not returning your phone calls or my speech is slurred or different, it's not because I don't care about you or want to talk to you, or because I'm high or drunk. It's because I'm depressive and having trouble thinking clearly or even finding the energy to carry on a conversation when the way I'm feeling is, "What's the point?". My brain is like molasses and I can't carry a thought through all the way. Here's the best rule of thumb for non-Bipolars. Don't try to give a Bipolar advice on how to deal with what they are feeling WHEN they are in the middle of mania or depression. First of all, if you haven't lived as a Bipolar, you have no freaking clue what you are talking about. You can't just "snap out of it" or "focus on the good things in your life" or "remember there are people starving in other parts of the world who don't have it as good". When we are not manic or depressive, then you can try to talk to us rationally. Your biggest mistake is to expect rational discussion with someone who is manic or depressive. HELLO! The reason they are that way is BECAUSE THEIR BRAIN DOESN'T FUNCTION IN BALANCE. The best thing you, friends and family, can do for someone with Bipolar, is to show them your unconditional love and support always. (Unconditional means giving without expectations of reward, recognition, or placing judgement.) Allow them to rant when they are ranting and do not take any of it personally. It really doesn't have anything to do with you, even if we say it does. If I don't write or I don't call, it's not because I don't care. It's because it is taking all my energy to cope with what I'm feeling that day. Anything beyond staying sane, rational and balanced is more than I can give. I'm sorry. If I'm rattling on about things that don't seem very rational or logical or real to you, don't ignore me. I really, really do need you to be there for me and listen. But I need you to TRULY listen. Not just nod your head or say "uh-huh" during the appropriate pauses. ENGAGE me. I have enough trouble at times determining if what I'm feeling is real or not. Please do not dismiss what I'm saying because what I'm saying is crazy-talk. Even if it doesn't make sense, it's important to me. Respect me by listening as if I am recounting to you the way to win the lottery. It's really that important TO ME. Oh yeah, and don't insult me by saying that you understand how I am or you understand bipolar if you don't live with me day-to-day. The only people who can say that are my husband and my son. The rest of you only get glimpses into my life. That's one of the reasons Bipolars go undiagnosed for so long. They are highly-functioning individuals who are very good at hiding what they are going through. We learn coping mechanisms so the rest of the world doesn't see us as crazy. It's when we are alone in our thoughts that we truly feel crazy. Most people don't even know I am Bipolar unless I tell them. I'm that good at hiding it. Most people just see me as extremely happy sometimes and extremely depressed at others, not realizing just how deep or dangerous the mania and depression runs. Please help us not feel crazy. Help us to feel loved and accepted EXACTLY as we are. Believe it or not, we need you. It's not easy living with this every single day of your life. If you really want to know how a Bipolar feels, just do the following. Imagine the saddest you have ever felt in your life. You understand why you were sad. Someone died, an accident, a loss. Now multiply that by 1,000 and have no idea of where the depression is coming from or why you feel it. On the flip side, imagine the happiest and most energetic you have every felt in your life. The birth of a child or your wedding day (or your divorce if that floats your boat, haha). Again, multiply that by 1,000 and you have an idea of what mania is like. Now imagine living like that every single day except you constantly roll between those two extremes.

This is my life with Bipolar Disorder.