i think it's the beginning of the end

friday night troy played drums and music for me so i could spend about two hours attempting to meditate.  it definitely relaxed me.  afterwards, i went straight to bed and got about 8 hours of sleep.  of course, the last two hours of my sleep were spent fighting groucho off as he kept getting in my face to remind me it was past his regular feeding time.  he hasn't quite gotten the hang of "we sleep in on the weekend".

i got to spend an hour in the sun before getting ready to spend the afternoon and share dinner with good friends.  the day was overall very laid back and relaxed.  i was still somewhat manic throughout the day but as the evening wore on i could feel myself losing that buzzing edge i have been living with for a while now.

my head is getting quieter.  this morning i'm actually feeling a little lethargic.  i'm having trouble staying focused but not for the same reason.  during the mania, i couldn't stay focused because there was so much going on in my head.  now it feels like my brain is molasses because i'm having trouble connecting a flow of thoughts.  hmm, now that i say that, i remember yesterday afternoon and last night a few times were i completely dropped a thought during conversation and couldn't recollect what i was originally saying.  maybe early signs that the mania is subsiding?

i also am not feeling the impulsiveness, compulsion, and obsessiveness i was feeling so strongly before.  it's almost as if i feel like i'm back in my head and back in control again.  just have that slight hint of depression hovering nearby, like the smell of rain on the wind when a storm is approaching.

i am planning to spend another hour in the sun today.  studies have shown that natural sunlight can help with depression.  if i am on the downslide now, i want to do everything i can to prevent that slide from going too deep.  i am still planning to get an appointment with my psychiatrist monday and talk about my recent episode and if we may need to increase the dosage again.

peace and enjoy your easter sunday