increase in med

Saw Dr Chacko this afternoon.  Have been feeling slightly hypomanic today, so he increased the Geodon from 40 to 80 mgs and wants to see me back in two weeks.  The Geodon is supposed to help balance out the mania with the mood stablizer (Lamictal).

I'm feeling good (as to be expected) but still feel like I'm on that edge.  If there is too much excitement around me I might latch onto it and bump the hypomania up a notch.  I definitely had trouble sleeping last night and didn't fall asleep until about 1 AM or so.  Got up at 5:30, so only 4-1/2 hours sleep, but at least I slept well during that time.  It surprised me that I had trouble going to sleep since I took the Geodon and, up to this point, it has always made sleepy.  It was almost the opposite.  We'll see how tonight goes with 80 mg!

Planning to go to Temple tonight for our discussion group.  Tonight we will be discussing the Sutra of the Eight Realizations of Great Beings.  This is a Mahayana text which incorporates the Bodhisattva concept into Buddhism.  My limited understanding of this teaching is that one can attain full enlightenment, yet choose to remain in the realm of unenlightened beings with the dedication of being in service to others to assist them as they attain their own enlightenment.

The word enlightenment is over-used and frequently misunderstood.  I believe we obtain enlightenment every time we come to understand something better.  I believe it is a daily process of discovery and understanding.  Asking questions and finding the answers.  There is, of course, the Supreme Enlightenment which would cross into Buddhism, Christianity, and other beliefs which incorporate reincarnation and/or an "ascension" process resulting in the "perfection of the soul or awareness".

Enlightenment is not a pie-in-the-sky concept that is unattainable by we mere mortal men and women.  It is not reserved for nuns, monks, priests, or any other form of clergy.  It is something you can choose each day of your life.  Open a book.  Talk to a stranger.  Watch something educational on TV.  Cultivate compassion for others, especially when they appear to deserve it the least.

Don't know where all that came from.  Hmmm...got that creative juice flowing, I guess?

Yeah, that proves the doctors point for increasing my meds.  Even he could tell before I had to say anything.  He didn't ask, he stated, "So you look like you're feeling better, but still slightly hypomanic?"

A-yup.  Definitely not running on empty.